


You, and You Alone

by AceQueenKing



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Porn, F/M, Jealousy, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-16 20:22:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceQueenKing/pseuds/AceQueenKing
Summary: The connection between her and Kylo Ren keeps growing stronger, making her a danger to the Resistance - but Rey doesn't want to close off the connection. Rey decides to leave the Resistance after one last, highly dangerous mission - but can she keep Kylo Red out of her mind long enough to finish her job?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [below_the_starry_clusters_bright](https://archiveofourown.org/users/below_the_starry_clusters_bright/gifts).



"I'll be fine," Rey said, and she almost believed it.

Leia stared at her, her mouth tight. She didn't believe Rey either, that much was obvious. There had been a tension in her from the moment Leia had walked into what had turned into the Millennium Falcon's impromptu command center and had seen Rey in her First Order disguise. The TIE pilot's uniform clung to her, a bit too small but there was no one else who could remotely fit it left in their ranks.

Leia reached out and gave her back her transmitter. Rey accepted it gratefully and slung it into her pocket. She couldn't - wouldn't - be able to wear it, or to reach for it, but she would know it was there and it would give her comfort.

"You don't have to go," Leia said. She sounded uncertain and Rey realized that she did not want her to do this mission. But there was no one else who could, and Rey was a liability as long as she stayed there.

As if on cue, _he_  brushed against her mind. _Rey_ , he whispered, and there was hunger there, longing; she did not answer and clamped down her shields. She would not give up their location for him to pick off the bones of what remained of the Rebellion.

"You won't be able to keep up a disguise around him," Leia said, effortlessly picking off her thoughts. The general didn't carry a lightsaber but she was like her brother all the same, Rey thought.

"No," she agreed. The atmosphere in the room shifted colder; she saw pained expressions on Finn, Poe, and Rose, who all looked scared for her. "But he won't hurt me."

Leia said nothing, which was just as well. But the look on her face was skeptical, and it broke Rey's heart to see a mother so badly wounded by her son.

She wanted to promise she would bring him back, but if both Luke and Han had failed, she felt little hope of that. Instead, she squeezed Leia's hands and the older woman wrapped her arms around Rey tightly.

"I will bring you as much information as I can," she promised. "Troop movements, outposts...We will find a safe place to regroup."

"We can hope," Leia said, but the sad smile on her face seemed to suggest that she wasn't holding out any hope for Rey. "In the meantime, we'll rendezvous with an old friend. He can help us stay low, for now."

But time was limited. She hadn't been given the information on who this friend was-- she and Leia both agreed it was better if she did not know, the less  _he_ could rip from her mind the better--but she knew that their friend's ability to protect Leia and her handful of troops was not a long-term solution. The beacon would itself point to Maz, who would then direct her on to this friend... if she chose to us it. 

"Use the beacon when you're ready to come home," Leia said, her voice unwavering. Rey felt tears at the corner of her eyes and dabbed at them; how strange to think that she had only found a home after she had left Jakku and given up on ever truly belonging...

_You're no one, you're nothing...But not to me._

She shook her head to shake away the ghosts. "May the Force be with you, General," she said, and unlike Leia, her voice did break. This was necessary but she could not shake the feeling that she might never see the Alliance again.

It felt like a goodbye.

"And with you, Rey," Leia said. She patted Rey's back and nodded. "Do us proud."

She walked away from them though she could still feel Leia's eyes on her. Rose, a new but none the less soon to be missed friend, threw her into a tight squeeze before all but throwing her to Poe. "T-Take care, Rey," she murmured through eyes already wet with tears. Finn folded Rose into an embrace and Rey was glad that they would have one another when she was gone.

"You'll do great, foxie," Poe said, trying to make her laugh. He'd taken to calling her that after Crait, after watching her meditate awhile perched at the top of one of the salt rocks she'd "liberated." It didn't quite work, but she faked a smile.

"I got lessons from one of the best pilots in the galaxy," she said, then turned to Finn. In many ways, leaving him was the hardest. Finn had been her closest ally from the moment they'd set foot on the Falcon together, and now she was leaving him behind.

He pulled her close and presses a kiss to her forehead. "We'll meet again; I know it," he said, and the repetition of her old words made her eyes water.

She also felt a surge of darker emotions flowing through her and recognized the white-hot as _his_  emotions. She shivered. She was right to leave. The bond between them had been only images first, but now... She could see so much of him; his emotions, his thoughts, his feelings; she could see so much it honestly scared her. 

She hastily bent down and petted BB-8's chassis, earning an appreciative trill from the little droid. Then she turned and walked away from her friends, down the Falcon's gangplank, and into the Ontarom field they were using as a spaceport.

She did not look back, afraid she wouldn't be able to go if she did.

She hadn't reached her tie before she saw a dark spaceport window, the reflection of the man she had been bound to just barely visible among the stars.

 _He_ was looking for her.

She reached out a hand through the vision, let her hand clasp his.

He looked at her, mouth slightly open when he saw her outfit, and she shivered. His dark mood vanished; he was hungry for her, would stop at nothing to find her, and recognized the uniform enough to know their paths would cross again. Was she coming for him?

 _Where are you going?_ he thought. He frowned, puzzled by her surroundings. He did not recognize the planet; good. She had chosen it so he would not. _Tell me!_ he demanded, and she felt how excited he was, how hopeful, how  _needy..._ The loneliness in him cut through her like a knife.

She withdrew, though it hurt them both to do so. She felt his consciousness hammer at her own, but she blocked it as best she could. Still, her pity and longing meant her shields were not stable; she could feel him rampaging against them, and soon her vision blurred between them, and she saw their hands merge; him, standing death-still on a ship, and her own hands on the controls of the TIE the Rebellion had "liberated" for her. They stayed like that for an exhaustingly long time; just the bare hint of one grazing over the other's reality. She wasn't exactly sure who was steering the TIEfighter - the controls looked far too familiar - but she trusted in the force, and let it guide her to where it would.

 _You wouldn't hurt me,_ she thought, though whether only to herself or to him, she wasn't sure.

The dark flames licking hungrily at her heart were her only response.


	2. Chapter 2

The First Order's ship was nothing like what she had imagined.

It was not the flagship she had gone to; this was a lesser vehicle, one that wasn't for the brightest warriors, nor the fastest. It was the sort of ship that might not post stormtroopers at every outpost, nor was it the sort that might have much of an established ship security scan. There was nothing to secure, not so far out from the glorious supreme leader's illustrious prime ship.

It had been carefully targeted to give her the best chance of success. One last gift from the Resistance, and one she would be careful not to squander.

She submitted the codes to hail their communications officer; a gift, Leia had said, from a former First Order officer from Jakku, in a manner of speaking; Rey had not pried further, but now she wondered, perhaps, if had she met a different traveler in the marketplace on Jakku, if perhaps her life had been much different. And yet, perhaps not that different, given that either way would have put her on a collision course with  _him..._

"Cleared for landing, TIE Bay 503-A, TIE 3195," a strict-sounding woman barked, drawing her back to reality. Rey felt a strange swirl of emotions as she proceeded to initiate the docking procedures she'd run through with Poe just days earlier. There was elation, at having passed for one of them, at least so far; worry, because the harder parts would come next, and if  _he_ happened to come along at the wrong moment... No. She could not think of that.  _Focus on what can control_ , she willed herself; she thought of Luke and forced herself to do a deep breathing exercise. 

She made it with enough grace to pass, at least enough not to be shot down. She could figure out the rest.

She jumped out of the TIE only find herself rapidly surrounded by Stormtroopers, along with a First Order officer. She was unsurprised to see the stormtroopers, though she pretended to be.

"TK-3195," the harsh-sounding woman said; she was wearing an officer's uniform, albeit one that had been adapted to fly - a pilot, underneath it all. _Be vigilant,_ that's what Leia had told her; Rey took the information and noted it. "How is it you have wound up at the _Imperiatrix_ after all this time? Our records show you went MIA after the explosion of the Starkiller."

"I was knocked out of orbit," Rey said. She kept eye contact with the other woman, as Leia had advised her to do. "I crash landed, a mechanic on Ontarom took me in. He was allied to the Resistance and when I found out what he was, I killed him. Then I found my TIE and sought the closest ship. That happened to be the _Imperiatrix_."

"You say you're loyal, but you'll have to prove it." The woman gestured toward her wrist, and Rey watched and tried to project an outward feeling of calm. She pulled up her wrist and raised an eyebrow. "Medic to Bay 503-A, with a genscanner."

Rey tried to look nonplussed, even as her heart was pounding. This would be the moment where it worked or it would not; Leia had spent considerable money to rewrite these records and if she was lucky this would work. And if it wasn't, she would be dead. Either way, she wouldn't be able to hurt the Resistance, not anymore -

Her vision blurred, and she saw stars, his eyes scanning the Horizon; _where are you?_ He asked, and she said nothing. He sneered. _Are you with that traitor again? Do you dress this way to mock me?! Or perhaps it is a game you two play with one another, that traitor -_

She closed her eyes and broke the connection;  _his_ jealousy washed over her like a storm and she bit her lip from the pain of it, the firey agony of a million pecks at her consciousness. Then she took a deep breath, calmed herself. She opened her eyes. A medic stood before her, genscan in hand. She watched the scanner pulse over her wrist for a few moments and desperately hoped the TIE pilot's id chip that Leia had boughten her would actually work. Years seemed to pass as the medic placed the scanner over her, and then after a literal eon, toward the officer with a crisp, First Order nod. "TK-3195, MIA, presumed KIA. Records on that front obviously need updating. Anything else?"

"No." The Officer seemed displeased by this but waved off the guards. "Very well. The First Order could use more pilots. Don't expect us to treat you like a hero simply because you managed to survive."

Rey nodded, suppressing the ire that made her want to do nothing so much as curl her hands into fists. If a lost Resistance Soldier came back to their base, they would never treat them so callously! They were grateful for every surviving soldier but this officer seemed merely to see her as a footnote.

"We'll find you a bunk. There are several TIE squadrons here; I'll be putting you with one of our remedial squads until such time as you prove yourself."

"Understood ma'am," she said. Though bile rose in her throat doing it, she forced herself to salute.

"I'm TK-2020, and I will be your superior. You will bring your things to your bunk and you will start your first shift this evening. You will be doing basic patrolling runs. Do not expect special treatment." The woman turned with crisp, military precision and marched toward the entrance to the ship bay; it was obvious she was not going to wait for Rey. Rey jogged to catch up, then followed the woman down an unfamiliar hallway.

The rest of her unit was asleep, which made sense for the night squad. Rey settled into her bed, tossing her personal items underneath the bed. No bunks here, which surprised her - on both Jakku and in the Resistance, space was always such a precious commodity that any bed-space would be doubled and perhaps, tripled-up; she had never been fortunate enough to even get a top bunk on Jakku, the rare times she had been able to earn enough to sleep in a bed. As a scavenger, she mostly slept in overturned chairs in a rusted out hulk of metal.

Compared to what she had known, she was almost ridiculously spoiled by her new bed.

And in the uneasy silence on a Star Destroyer, she had never felt less comfortable.

She closed her eyes almost to immediately found them open, but not her own eyes. Ben was in his room, or what passed for it, and she saw for the first time that to her surprise it was not much more extravagant than her own current accommodations.

He turned toward her, noticing her immediately. _Kriff_.

 _Where are you?!_ The presence burned in her mind; _show me! let me see! S_ he blocked him, oh to the limited extent she could, and wished that Luke Skywalker had not shown her more, trained her more; she could feel Ben, feel him beckoning to be let in, burning to be let in - and she could not, would not, not until she at least got something back to the Resistance, something to proof this was not a total surrender but a sacrifice --

 _You're - on a bed?! Are you with him?!_ His face was pink, flushed with anger.

"No," she said, in a harsh whisper. A blond man in one of the beds to the side of her opened his eyes in irritation; Ben's nostrils flared and then he held out a hand.

"Come with me," he said.

"Not yet." He raised an eyebrow at her response and held out his hand, but she closed her eyes, refused to acknowledge, and eventually felt him withdraw.

\- - -

It was relatively easy to integrate herself into a new unit; no one asked questions. Rey knew she could conceal what she felt; Jakku had illustrated the importance of keeping a neutral face. She could grow used to it, almost; it was easier to move unnoticed without others caring for her.

But the one thing that she could not grow used to was the absence of the camaraderie, so frequently found on a Rebellion ship. She did not know other's names, only numbers; like stormtroopers, every TIE pilot had a number. Some, she was sure, must have had names once, but they used them never - it was always 3024, 2020, 3059. They were only digits, only cogs in the vast machine that made up the First Order.

She passed several cycles in their company without drawing suspicion. It was easy as all of them seemed to want to avoid any sort of personal attachment. It was easy for her to find information during her rounds; on the second shift, she found star-charts and downloaded them to her computer.

And afterward, she laid in her bed, and she tried to sleep, only to find _him_ again. _He_ said nothing, this time, curled up on his own bed, but he reached out a hand and, without thinking, she grabbed it. They held one another a long moment, the eddy of knowing and being known an overwhelming lake in which they swam. She wasn't sure which, if either of them, was dreaming.

She knew she had to move forward, to find something else for the Resistance and find it quickly. Her own resistance was waning.

\- - - 

It was a little harder to find it but, within a week, she was able to find troop listings - classified, of course, but enough that Leia may be able to crack it. Or perhaps they could make contact with the master code-breaker, perhaps they could - well, she could only hope now.

With every moment, she was more and more aware of how little time she had left. She could feel approaching, Ben; like how she could always tell dust-storms were upon the wind in Jakku. Their connection burned and it hurt and it was beautiful all the same.

More often her eyes were passing into his, and she knew what she had to do.

She passed the chip off through an encrypted holo-channel; she did not attach a voice message. It would be easier for the Alliance to download - well, just the data. She had already said her goodbyes. No one caught the slight blip of a transmission as she fired it off from the desk; she'd tried her best to disguise it but still - it was almost disappointing.

Why it was disappointing would require her to think more deeply about the connection that she was trying to block.

 _Why are you here?_ He'd asked, over and over again, and she could feel how badly he wanted it to be about her, that she was here because of him, because she wanted him.

And she couldn't help but hate this, hate how he asked, hate the fact she couldn't entirely deny it because: it was not about him, but it was about _them_. Because she needed to help the Resistance and knew she could not help him, but he wanted it to be about him, because he wanted her, desperately, and when he held on just tight enough to the connection between them, she could feel it, and she wanted it, too -

And then the connection would slide shut and she could breathe again. For a time, anyway.

But the moments would still come when she was looking through the eyes of a Jedi - and they would not be her own.

She was lost, she knew it. And he was coming. Now that her duty to the Rebellion was done, he was getting closer and closer. She could not fight it anymore.

 _Where are you?_ he asked once more, as she flew over the _Imperiatrix_. _Rey..._

It was the first time he had used her name. She let a tear slide down her cheek, and if she didn't tell him the name, she did show him the ship, and that - as she knew it would be - would be enough to damn them both.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time the shift change came after her patrol flight, it was obvious that things were happening. Her new executive officer was barking more orders than usual, face more screwed tightly. Someone had gotten sand in her uniform and Rey knew why by the time her shift ended: the Supreme Leader was coming.

She felt him moving closer. The dust storm was blowing hard, inside her; she could feel it in every moment, the sand whipping her skin.

He wanted nothing but her. She was aware of nothing else, now; she closed her eyes, walking down to her station, and opened them and - she was on a bridge. She was staring down at a map of her ship. The _Imperiatrix_ stood bare before their gaze, his hand sweeping over different sections.

 _Tell me where you are!_ He demanded, and she said nothing. His anger and jealousy, too - because he couldn't, _wouldn't_ understand why she didn't tell him - was pulsing so hot she could feel it through her skin, the beat of it, moving against her heart.

She was out of time. They both knew it, and yet - she knew, the second he saw her, that she would never see the Resistance again.

She thought of Finn once more, his promise to meet her, and felt horrified. He picked up on the thought too, and the anger grew; she felt it, the sands whipping higher, higher, bearing her up.

 _If you will not tell me, I will find you myself,_ he said, and, abruptly, cut contact.

\- - -   
  
He came aboard.

If anyone wondered why the Supreme Leader was on their ship, no one said anything. The First Order, she noticed, was not large on talking; she had said maybe three words in the past two days.

How did he stand it? It seemed so lonely. But this was not a thought she could have, was it? Even knowing what she knew of his allegiances, she was sad for him. Her own knowledge that he had chosen to be here seemed insignificant; she hated it. She was falling, now, fast.

He came to her first, not caring, obviously, about the slighted feelings of the captain. And why would he? He had no desire for anything on this ship, anything or anyone, but -

Her.

She could see him now and he could see her; his eyes were only on her as he walked into the door. He looked as she knew he would - powerful, needy. He wore his uniform, and she wore hers - but now, their uniforms were on the same side, and she wanted nothing so much to run to him, but she fought it.

The room's temperature thickened perceptibly with every step he took toward her; even though her force capabilities, she could smell the stench of fear that washed through the room. It was a bad thing to be singled out in the First Order, everyone knew it - and if the leader came to their department first, then everyone knew it was their department that had made the mistake.

Their leader, 2020, barked for them to all line up, in a line that Rey could feel was all but an excuse for an execution squad. Rey swallowed, her hands on her pilot's helmet.

He took his time going down the row. He was furious with her now, and she could feel that fire, burning against her mental shields. His thoughts slipped across their bond like silk - he was going to string it out, now, make her pay. She swallowed as he clasped a girl ahead of her by the chin - 3024, she remembered; the girl all but leaned into his touch and something touched her jealous heart and she knew it was her own emotions.

She did not like him touching other girls.

He picked up on this, of course; _Stop me, then_ , he said, in words that suggested nothing so much as seduction. She bit her lip.

Ben took his time, going down the line. She had made herself the last to try to protect the others; Ben was using it against her. By the time he had caressed every cheek, made doe eyes at every woman and man in her department, she was simmering - her hands were gloved into fists, and her eyes but merely daggers.

 _Do you understand? H_ e asked, inside her mind; she gave him no answer. _Why are you here?_

She didn't answer. Neither of them said anything, eyes merely daggers upon one another's brows.

"A truly remarkable group," he said, at last.

"Do they please you, m'lord?" Rey had to fight not to raise an eyebrow at that. The way that TK-2020's voice quivered as she asked him - oh yes, she wanted something, and that something was the supreme leader.

"Quite," he said, turning with a flourish toward their leader. He cupped TK-2020's strong chin in his hands and held the old stormtrooper's gaze. TK-2020's mouth laid slightly open, their nostrils not-quite-so-delicately flaring. The leader was spellbound by him, and it turned Rey's stomach. No one held Leia in such a - a _**godlike** _ way. The stormtrooper did not just want him, TK2-2020 wanted to _worship_ him - and that thought did not chill Rey so much as the thought that he was probably enjoying it.

He gave the old soldier a private smile, and Rey's stomach twisted. He was flattered. _Flattered_!

Darth Vader surely never had his troops worship him - not like this, surely? Funny, she thought, how far he was getting from his goal.

That bitter thought broken his attentive gaze, but only for a half-second; his eyes turned toward her in a blazing fury before sliding back toward TK-2020.

"I require a companion," he said, stiffening. "I'm told an emperor needs a concubine, and I need one of your fine people to be my companion for the night."

It was a loathsome proclamation; Rey could not stop a grunt of disgust from escaping her. He turned toward her for half a second, eyebrow raised, before he was swallowed up by eight people turning to him, all fighting for his attention. TK-3803 grabbed his hand, murmuring promises that she would not let him down. TK-2073 was rubbing her breasts into his back. TK-3024 was delicately cupping his chin in his hand, and several of the others were pulling on these forerunners, trying to devour the space between them and their Illustrious Leader.

Rey hated every second of this. Ben, she could tell, felt the fury in her, and laughed in her mind, though outward he looked fully amused by the competition around him.

 _You are not the only one who can make others dance at their call!_ He thought and she wanted to laugh.

 _I've never manipulated people into liking me_.

 _Why did you touch that traitor?_ He shoved off the others and grasped her, holding her by the chin, his fingers curled around her throat. _What can he offer you that I could not?_

 _He's my friend_ , she thought. _A friend._

 _He kissed you!_ The beast inside Kylo raged; she could feel it, white-hot intensity barely keeping from crackling against her bones.  _Why didn't you come to me?_

 _Afraid_. She reached out and touched his cheek, felt him lean into it with a hunger that almost scared her.

 _Of what?_ The snarl had gone out of him and now there was curiosity, laced with a ragged breath of pain.

 _Falling_ , she murmured; it was a hard truth but still true and he shook his head. She blocked all thought of Luke, of Leia. Her mission had succeeded; it was done. She had done all she could for them.

His face stiffened for a moment, having read this off her; he glanced back to the other TIE pilots, all of whom were looking at her with jealousy or desire.

"You will do," he said, in a voice so emotionless it made her cold. No one protested as he grabbed her hand; he tugged her behind him with an iron grip and she fumed quietly.

 _I am not a child_  , she thought at him; he didn't bother to reply to that question.

 _Your quarters, where?_ He said. That stopped her in her tracks until his next mental image burned into her mind; he wanted to talk, her bunkmates would be gone, he wanted - _more_.

 _The third level, fifteenth row, sixth quarter,_ she said. She was shaking, nervous; it was hard not to get sucked into his orbit. He was alluring, strong, but so very very dark -

But then it wasn't as if she could go home again. Snoke had taken that from her.

 _From us both,_ he remarked; she probed for more details but mind was a fortress, tightly patrolled. Of course Luke had taught him well. Figured.

They reached her room quickly; true to his thoughts, the room was empty. He pulled a keycard out of his  robes and locked the door.

She walked offer to her bunk, not knowing what else to do. She sat down and waited; he paced for a moment, hands behind his back, emotions tumbling over his face and through their connection so fast she was barely aware of one before another came.

"Why did you come?" He asked, fury evident on his face. "I know you sent information for the Resistance, but I don't care about that. You could have left at any point, but you stayed. Why stay? Do you foolishly hope to bring information to your friends in the Resistance?! You do not agree with our policies and yet - "

"I couldn't leave you," she said. She looked down at the ground and saw with satisfaction that his feet had stopped. She swallowed and looked up at his face and found himself - surprised. His mouth was open with a small _oh_. The fury faded from his face. "I thought you-you needed me. I didn't know," she said, still sour over his concubine display earlier, "that you were looking for any pretty face."

"I'm - I'm not." He huffed. "I just wanted - " Images flashed through her mind - her, always her, with Luke, with Finn - and she felt his distaste. He wanted her, just her, and she -

"I didn't like it when you flirted with those other people," she said, and though she did not raise her voice she knew he was paying attention. His eyes were focused on her, laserlike; his hand rose to cup her cheek and she swallowed. "But those people are not - they were my friends - "

"They're not _my_ friends," he said, in a heavily whispered voice. "And I don't like you - "

"I'm not going back to them." She tried to cut him off, knowing that she could hardly promise not to ever see another man. "Come away with me."

"I'm..." He started, but stopped; it was an absurd comment, she knew, but if they were to be together, to be alone - neither of them, then, could stay where they were. There was only one solution that wouldn't lead to one working against the other's interests - she hoped he would be amenable to it. "Where could you want to go go, if not the Resistance?"

Rey grabbed the hand that still held her cheek; he flinched but did not look away. "Somewhere private. No First Order, no Resistance, no one. Just us, until we understand what's between us."

He stroked her cheek but said nothing; his intelligent eyes were soft and quiet and for a moment she thought he might, perhaps, go along with what she wanted. But then his hand withdrew, and she felt its absence like a knife.

"They would hunt us down. All of them. Mo-Leia, Hux. They wouldn't let us live." His eyes were sad, and she could feel in him a lack of hope, that he was falling, and she could feel him tugging at her, urging her to fall in line with the life that he had settled into, the suffering that - no. She would not.

"What if I told you I knew a safe place? One Leia and the others couldn't find?" Luke, of course, had known where Ahch To was, and Leia, perhaps, could find them if she tried hard enough, but only Rey still had the star charts - she had removed them from R2 before they'd left in a fit of pique; if Luke had not wanted to be found, she would make it so that he never would be. But she still remembered them and still had a copy on her datapad...

He stopped looking at her and took a deep breath; she could see it, the tension in him, the conflict.

She placed a hand on his chest, tried to center him, to bring him back to her - and saw herself through his eyes for a moment, before she saw him and only him.

"Ben..." She whispered. "Ben, come with- "

"Don't call me that," he said, his voice choked with an emotion that she understood all too well: Regret.

She reached up, tried to reach his face. He moved very slightly toward her, swallowing. The hand reappeared on her cheek, and for a moment they said nothing, merely treasuring the silence.

"I would like to call you by your name," she said, and his face faltered at that; she could not feel the emotion behind it, could not concentrate on the threads of his consciousness long enough as he leaned over and kissed her.

Rey wrapped her arms around his back, throwing everything into the kiss; if they were drowning, they would drown together. And if there was any chance she could lead him away, then well - she pressed kiss after kiss to his mouth and found him eager; he eliminated the gap between them, moving so close she could only hear the best of his heart.

"Come with me," she panted. "Please. Please."

He bit his lip, and she found it endearing, almost, but for the fact, he was not committing. "What do you have to lose? You're clearly not happy here, Ben - "

"If you will have me," he said, so soft that she would not have heard him had he not been right next to her. "You will have _all_ of me. Me and me alone. I can't-"

He did not vocalize the rest but she understood him; the connection between them was becoming too strong for them to be able to handle outside emotional interference. She mourned this but she knew he was telling the truth; until they knew how to control this, they would be at the mercy of the band between them.

She nodded and kissed him again, and he relaxed into her arms, understanding. Images flashed through her mind that were not her own; herself, in his arms, safe, then sliding, lower; he needed - wanted - _more_.

She would give it to him. If this is what it took, she would do it. Depriving the First Order of him was the last gift that She could give the Resistance. She slid down onto her knees, gently unfolded his long robe away from him.

He gasped but offered no resistance to her hands as they wandered down her skin. He offered no resistance as he explored his body through the thick black pants. Slowly, she ran a finger down his cock, buried but rapidly rising despite the attempts of the black cloth to hold him in place.

She pressed a kiss to the fabric and his hand gripped her shoulder like a vice; she looked up and saw only intoxication in his eyes.

With a thrill that she wasn't entirely sure was her own, she slowly undid the high clasps of his pants, reaching in and gently drawing him forward.

His emotions spilled out across their connection; she could see him, all of him; the power in his hands, the fear in his heart, the love that was buried deep down with an intensity that scared them both. She looked into his eyes as she slowly brought her mouth to his cock. He did not look away, nor did he stop looking at her as she slowly swirled her tongue around his now rock-hard cock.

He whimpered slightly, his hands sliding into her hair as she slowly slid her tongue up and down the length of him. She could feel his emotions - more, Rey, more, don't stop, and she slid her hands forward to his thighs, gripping them tightly for stability as she moved to take him deeper.

He was large enough it was a challenge, and her eyes watered - however, Ben made no notice of this, merely hissing and tugging at her hair. _You_ , she thought toward him, _and you alone._

Yes, he said, happy, she could feel it, the happiness dancing upon their connection like the sweet scent of him on her tongue. She swallowed him fully for a moment, taking him all the way in and slowly drawing him out. He moved his hips against her, a bucking he couldn't quite fully control, and she understood his embarrassment from the way he patted her head, a silent apology.

He was quite beyond words at the moment.

She ignored the way her jaw ached as she continued to take him, slowly mixing between sucking him in and exploring him with her tongue; his hips moved slowly in time with her own movements, and his hands never left her side. Through their connection, she could hear him, could feel him: him and only him. There was nothing to him but her, and she rejoiced in this, in the strengthening tightness of their bond; if there was only him for her, there was also only her for him.

That was a thought she sent to him. Me, and me alone, she whispered, and he nodded, then came. He came with a shudder and gasp, ragged and spent. She swallowed his load and stood before him, and he kissed her, tasting himself on her with slow, steamy kisses.

"We'll go," he said, in a broken whisper. "Lead the way."

\- - -

The ship was not hard to steal.

No one tended to look otherwise when the Supreme Leader and a TIE pilot entered the Lambda shuttle; she thought with a pang of her abandoned comlink, still in the bag she had left in her room. She hadn't been able to take it with them - they weren't, after all, supposed to be out for more than just a few hours. Bringing a bag would be too much; her last claims to the Resistance were behind her now, and she'd had to crush it to keep it from falling into the First Order's palms.

She could only pray it would be enough.

She regretted too that they could not tell Leia where they were going, but perhaps it was enough that she would not be taking Leia's son away from her; by removing him from the battlefield, she would save him. By removing them both, the could perhaps save the galaxy; the Jedi would die with them.

In a twisted way, they would be fulfilling Luke's wishes.

Ben said little as she started the engines, only sitting in the co-pilot chair and staring at her.

She said nothing either, concerning herself only with flipping switches as her heart hammered in her chest.

They were airborne within minutes, in the deep of hyperspace before she could really breathe quite fully.

"TK-3010, you are not at your post, return - " The commons buzzed; Ben shut off the comm by sticking his lightsaber through it, and she glanced over at him in surprise.

"We're on our own," he said; he shifted in his seat, one hand laying lustily on her hips.

"So we are," she says, uncertain if that was a threat or a promise.

One way or the other, she thought, they would figure it out.


End file.
